When to walk away, and why is it so hard?

Can we talk about something that comes up in coaching almost every single week?

Why is it so bloody hard to walk away when something isn't giving us what we want?

I recently had this conversation with two clients.

One was dating someone lovely on paper, but months in she still had no idea where things were heading.

Another had been seeing someone inconsistently for a while. They liked each other, had chemistry and enjoyed spending time together, but every conversation about the future ended with some version of, "I can't give you what you want right now."

And yet neither could quite bring themselves to leave.

👉 Not because they didn't know the situation wasn't working.

👉 Not because they weren't intelligent.

👉 Not because they couldn't see the reality.

👉 But because letting go felt harder than staying.

Sound familiar?

I think one of the biggest reasons we struggle to walk away is because we become attached to the potential.

The relationship we hope they might be ready for. The future we're imagining. The version of the story where everything finally works out.

We convince ourselves that if we just hang in there a little longer, they'll change their mind.

They'll be ready.

They'll choose us.

And then all the time, energy and emotion we've invested will have been worth it.

The problem is that we often end up falling into what psychologists call the "sunk cost fallacy."

In simple terms, the more we've invested in something, the harder it becomes to walk away from it, even when it is no longer serving us.

Think about a terrible film you've paid to watch at the cinema. Twenty minutes in, you know it's awful.

But instead of leaving, you stay because you've already spent the money. What you don't realise is that by staying, you're not just losing the money. You're now giving away another two hours of your life.

Dating can be exactly the same.

We stay because we've already invested three months. Six months. A year.

We stay because we've introduced them to friends. Because we've slept together. Because we've imagined a future. Because we've worked so hard trying to make it work.

But none of those things tell you whether staying is the right decision. The only thing that matters is what is happening now.

👉 Are your needs being met?

👉 Are you moving towards the relationship you want?

👉 Does this situation make you feel secure, valued and happy most of the time?

👉 Or are you spending most of your energy managing anxiety, confusion and disappointment?

The longer you stay in something that cannot give you what you want, the longer you delay finding something that can. I know that can feel scary.

Walking away means grieving the possibility of what could have been. It means accepting that someone might not be capable of meeting you where you are. It means choosing reality over potential.

So if you're currently stuck in a situation that feels confusing, draining or endlessly stuck in limbo, ask yourself:

📍 If nothing changed from this point onwards, would I genuinely be happy staying? Not if they changed. Not if they committed. Not if they became a different version of themselves. If everything stayed exactly as it is today.

Because your answer will tell you everything you need to know.

And if you're finding yourself stuck in the same patterns over and over again, this is exactly the kind of thing we unpack together in coaching.

With baby number two arriving later this year, I have a limited number of client spaces available before I head off on maternity leave in September. Coaching doors will then reopen in Summer 2027.

So if you've been putting off working on your love life, don't wait another year hoping things will magically change by themselves.

Let's figure it out together.

You can book your no-strings attached call to discuss the options  HERE