Can’t stop thinking about them?
Here’s 3 ways to take them off the pedestal
If someone is constantly on your mind, taking up far more space than they probably should, there is a good chance you have put them on a pedestal without even realising it.
You might be saying “It has to work out, they're the best person I've met in a long time” Or “they were the one” or "they're different to anyone I have ever met.
Putting someone on a pedestal is not just about thinking they are great or really liking them. It is about elevating them above you, seeing them as more valuable, more desirable, or somehow “better” than you.
It is when they start to feel almost perfect in your eyes, and you lose sight of the fact that they are just another human being with flaws, inconsistencies and their own limitations.
Of course, there is a natural phase at the beginning of dating where everything feels exciting and full of possibility, but this is different. This is where an imbalance starts to form, because instead of meeting them as an equal, you are looking up at them. And from that place, fear quietly creeps in.
You start to worry about losing them, about saying the wrong thing, about not being enough. You become more focused on how they feel about you than how you feel about them, and before you know it, your sense of security and self worth is tied up in their behaviour.
It often shows up in ways that feel small at first but quickly build.
👉 You might feel like you cannot put a foot wrong, so you try to be perfect.
👉 You hold back your needs and go along with things to keep the peace.
👉 You find yourself worrying that they might meet someone better, so you try harder to prove your value.
And when they pull away, instead of stepping back, something in you leans in even more, wanting to show them exactly why they should choose you.
I know this pattern well, because I have been there myself. The more someone pulled away, the more I built them up in my head. They became the one, the best I would ever find, the person I could not lose. Their distance felt like proof that I was not enough and that I had somehow missed my chance at love.
None of it was true, but it felt incredibly real at the time.
So if this is hitting home, I want you to know that this is something you can shift, and it starts by bringing the focus back to you.
The first step is rebuilding your sense of self so that your confidence and worth are not dependent on someone else choosing you. This means getting really honest about the way you speak to yourself, the beliefs you hold and the parts of you that feel not enough, and starting to actively challenge and change them.
The second step is backing that up with action. It is about setting boundaries and no longer tolerating behaviour that leaves you feeling anxious, confused or undervalued. Instead of constantly asking yourself whether they like you, you start asking whether they meet your standards and whether they are actually right for you.
The third step is learning to see them clearly. When someone is on a pedestal, you stop seeing who they really are and start filling in the gaps with who you want them to be. Taking a step back and assessing them as a whole person allows you to decide whether you genuinely like them, rather than just being drawn in by how they make you feel.
And if something has already ended and you are struggling to let go, a really powerful exercise is to sit down and write a list of all the reasons it is a good thing it did not work out. When you are honest with yourself, it helps bring you back to reality and out of the story you have created around them.
You deserve a relationship where you feel equal, secure and chosen, not one where you feel like you have to earn your place.
P.S I have a couple of 1:1 spaces opening up to work together this Spring and Summer! I offer a free 30 minute call to chat through your coaching options. You can book your free call HERE, and if there aren't times that suit, I'll create one for you.
