Four secrets that keep you picking the wrong guy

Let me fill you in on a scene I see all the time with my clients.

Me: “So, what are you looking for in a partner?”

Client: “All I want is a mature, funny, attractive, good guy who makes me laugh and treats me well.”

A mature, attractive, funny, kind and secure man then sits in front of her.

Client: “No… I don’t want him. There’s no spark.”

Sound familiar?

If it does, you are not alone.

We all say we want to meet our person, but when it actually comes down to it, we end up rejecting the kind of person we could build something real with. We tell ourselves there is no spark, that it feels too easy, or that something is missing.

So here are four reasons why you keep being attracted to the wrong guy, and how you can start to break the pattern.

1. You mistake anxiety for love

If you are used to dating people who are inconsistent, who pull you in and push you away, you become used to the emotional rollercoaster. The highs feel intense and exciting, and the lows feel awful.

Over time, your mind and body start to associate that feeling with love.

So when someone calm, consistent and secure comes along, your system does not react in the same way. There is no anxiety, no chase, no uncertainty. It feels unfamiliar, so you assume there is no spark and you move on.

2. You think that is what you deserve

The way you feel about yourself shapes who you are attracted to and what you tolerate.

When your self worth is low, you are more likely to chase people who make you prove yourself. You might find yourself drawn to the unavailable one, the one you have to win over, the one who keeps you guessing.

As your self worth grows, so does your standard. You stop wanting to chase. You stop trying to change people. You start choosing what actually feels good and aligned.

3. You are repeating familiar patterns

One of the first things I ask my clients to do is tell me their story from the beginning.

The relationships and dynamics we grow up around shape what feels normal to us. We internalise them without realising, and then go on to recreate them in our own love lives.

Even when those patterns are not healthy, they feel familiar. And familiar often feels safe.

Until you become aware of those patterns, you will keep repeating them.

4. You are not fully clear on what you are looking for

This one is more common than people realise.

You might say you want a relationship, but when you really look closer, you are not clear on what that actually looks like for you. What kind of person do you want? How do you want to feel? What are your non negotiables?

Without that clarity, you end up dating on autopilot. You are led by chemistry, habit or external validation rather than intention.

And when the right person does come along, you may not recognise them or know how to choose them.

If you are reading this and thinking, I do not know where to start, that is exactly where I come in.

Together, we heal and release past relationship patterns and limiting beliefs so you no longer feel stuck or like you are waiting to be chosen.

We rebuild your confidence, strengthen your boundaries and help you understand what makes you uniquely attractive, so you can consciously choose the right partner.

We explore compatibility, red flags and your non negotiables, and you learn how to communicate what you want in a way that actually gets your needs met.

You learn how to commit to a different kind of love. One where you are not obsessing over the wrong person, but instead feel calm, confident and secure in yourself.

And trust me, we get results. There have been relationships, engagements and so many incredible love stories. (you can check them out below) 

So if you feel ready to rewrite your love story, you can apply to work with me through the ‘Get Started’ page.