How to date AND feel happy

Now, I don't know about you, but I was never one of those people who seemed to be "lucky" in love.

Nothing came naturally. It never felt easy. In fact, most of the time it felt like I was trying to push a boulder uphill.

I spent most of my twenties thinking that if I just tried a bit harder, acted a certain way or said the right thing, then surely it would all work out. If I got one more match, went on one more date or put myself out there one more time, then I'd finally meet my person.

The problem was, when I was dating someone, I was anything but relaxed.

I wanted every person to be "the one", so I tried to force it. I'd chase it. I'd overthink it. I'd try to mould it into the relationship I wanted before it had the chance to become one naturally. And when it didn't work out, for whatever reason, I'd retreat back into my little cave with a large glass of wine, wondering, "Why me? Why does this never work for me?"

It wasn't until I'd had enough of my own bullsh*t that I realised what was missing. More importantly, I realised what would finally bring me peace.

I had to surrender.

I had to let go of my attachment to finding a relationship and stop making my happiness dependent on meeting someone. I had to stop believing that my life would only begin once I fell in love.

For someone who loves a plan and likes to be in control, this wasn't easy.

It took practice.

I meditated. I journalled. I wrote letters to people I still carried anger towards. I forgave people who had hurt me. I challenged the stories I'd been telling myself for years and slowly let go of the belief that my life had to look a certain way or happen according to a particular timeline.

I stopped using dating as a distraction from building a life I genuinely loved.

And I learned how to be okay with the quiet.

During that time, something shifted.

I noticed more. I laughed more. I felt lighter. I became genuinely grateful for the life I already had instead of constantly chasing the next milestone. I invested in my friendships, my family, my work and myself.

And that's where the magic happened.

Because if I hadn't slowed down, I don't think I would have heard the little voice telling me to open my eyes and ask my now husband out on a date.

Now, I'm not saying you have to stop dating.

Quite the opposite.

I'm saying we have to stop making dating responsible for our happiness.

One of the biggest challenges in love is learning to trust that it will happen without trying to force it. Because if we're consumed by the fear of being left behind, every bit of uncertainty feels unbearable. We rush. We chase. We cling to people who aren't right for us. Or we sabotage something good because at least having an ending feels easier than sitting with the unknown.

Peace comes when we loosen our grip on the outcome.

Not because we've given up on love, but because we've stopped believing that our happiness depends on getting it.

So this week, I want you to take one small step towards peace.

Take a break from trying to control everything.

Take a breath.

Trust that your life isn't on hold.

And remember that the relationship you're looking for should add to your happiness, not become the only source of it.

Repeat after me:

"I trust that everything is unfolding as it should. I am exactly where I need to be. My life is enough today, and I refuse to put my happiness on hold whilst I wait for love."