Dating rules that actually work

Happy Friday! Darcie’s at nursery, the house is quiet (I’m currently living at my dad’s while ours is a full-blown building site), and the sun is just starting to peek out here in Oxfordshire… so it felt like the perfect moment to jump on and write this week’s newsletter.

I was thinking the other day about how complicated dating has become. There’s so much advice out there that people end up more confused than when they started.

Play it cool. Be vulnerable immediately. Sit in your feminine energy (??). Be assertive instead. Only date one person. Date multiple people and tell them all.

It’s overwhelming.

No wonder people end up opting out altogether.

So, here are some simple, grounded guidelines to help you build momentum, get clear on what you want, and actually deepen connections (instead of overthinking every step).

1. Get clear on your non-negotiables
 

Before you even start dating, know your standards. How do you want to be treated? What won’t you tolerate?
Think: inconsistent texting, last-minute plans, you making all the effort.

Keep checking in with these. If something feels heavy or “off” and your standards aren’t being met, that’s your answer. Walk away. Most of the time, the work isn’t lowering your standards, it’s raising them.

2. Five things that were attractive. 
 

We often fixate on what we think we want, or who we believe we should be with. That pulls you out of the moment and into comparison mode. After each date, write down five things you learned or found attractive (regardless of whether you liked them overall). This rewires your brain to stay present, notice what’s good, and remain curious.

3. Give it three dates
I

f they’re making an effort, showing consistency, and seem like a good person, give it three dates (unless they’re an Andrew Tate fan, in which case… no). Not everyone shines instantly. Some people take time to relax and show who they are. Attraction can grow.

We’ve been sold the idea of instant sparks and “just knowing”, but most strong relationships don’t start that way. You’re not looking for a bonfire that burns out in a week. You’re looking for a slow burn that builds.

4. Be upfront about what you want
 

If you’re dating intentionally, you need to know what they’re looking for (aka to date and have fun, a relationship, to travel) and they need to know what you want. 

It’s actually less personal to have that conversation in the first couple of dates, because it’s not about them specifically, it's about basic compatibility and saving time.  When it's done right, it’s confident, grounded… and yes, hot. Not needy.

(If you want help with how to say it, you know where I am.)

5. Change up the dates
 

If every date looks the same, coffee and a walk, or getting hammered at a bar, you’re only seeing one version of them.

Different environments bring out different sides of people. So switch it up: time of day, activity, energy, setting. Not sure about them on a quiet walk? See what they’re like in a busy bar, or around friends who love them. Or think they're a bit boring? Take them axe throwing and what a competitive nature come out. 

6. Bring the focus back to you after
 

After each date, shift the attention off them, and back onto you instead of spiralling or overanalysing. 

Check in with yourself:

👉 What side of me did they bring out?

👉 How did my body feel: relaxed, buzzy, tense?

👉 What happened to my energy?

👉 What did I learn? Do I want to know more?

👉 How did I feel in their presence: light, anxious, attractive?

The more you start to figure out how you feel and what's going on, the better at dating you become and far less anxious. If you don't believe me, check out these stories here. 

I hope this helps you simplify things a little and approach dating with more clarity (and a lot less noise).

💛 If you'd like to work on a dating game plan and get really specific about how we can make you the most magnetic, fab, dater out there, I have three 1:1 spots available this spring. If there is something specific you want to work on (like communication, or those early dating stages, then a one off session could work too.  So if you are keen to get things moving, please do book yourself in for a free chat.

👉 I'm offer a free 30 minute call to chat through your options. You can book your free call HERE, and if there aren't times that suit, I'll create one for you.