Single and looking for a long term partner? Here’s what to do.

As someone who loves to try and control the unknown (yes I know, I'm working on it 😂), I find comfort in taking action, having a plan, and moving forward.

The challenge with looking for love is that it comes with a built-in level of uncertainty. You can’t control the who, when, or where.

BUT — you can control how you show up, how much self-growth you’re willing to do, and who you allow into your life.

So, here are six things I’d focus on if I were single today, looking for a long-term partner:

✨ Get clear on my patterns. I’d list all my significant romantic interactions and look at who I was attracted to, what happened, why it didn’t work, and what beliefs I carried (about myself and partners) that might be keeping me stuck. While dating, I’d check in with how I feel and notice any emotional or practical familiarity I should be cautious of.

✨ Define my vision and values. I’d get clear on what kind of future I want, what compatibility looks like for me, and what values matter most. Attraction is important, but for a life partner, things like shared values, laughter, kindness, and emotional safety are the glue that holds it all together. These qualities take time to uncover, so I’d give people at least three dates before making a decision (unless it’s a clear no from the start).

✨ Build a life I love. I wouldn’t wait for someone to come along to make life better. I’d travel, create a home I adore, try new hobbies, and cherish my loved ones. If I felt stuck, I’d push myself out of my comfort zone (a solo trip, perhaps). If I felt left behind, I’d focus on building strong friendships with people in similar life stages.

✨ Check in on my confidence and self-love. We often make bad choices when acting from fear of rejection or self-doubt. I’d remind myself why someone would be lucky to have me, make a list of what makes me great, and work on quieting that harsh inner voice.

✨ Know and maintain my boundaries. I’d stop shying away from the big questions (Do they want a relationship? Kids? Travel the world?). I’d practice speaking up by ditching “I don’t mind” for small things like meal orders, and I’d say no to situations that don’t feel right. No late-night texts, no engaging with people who aren’t on the same page. If someone showed me they couldn’t meet my needs, I’d take it as information — not a challenge to fix them.

✨ Date with strategy, not autopilot. No endless swiping “just to see what happens.” I’d create opportunities to meet people through friends, colleagues, new groups, IRL dating events, and mindful app use. I’d set time limits on apps and focus on reasons someone could be great, instead of searching for reasons to say no. Most importantly, I’d protect my mental health, giving myself permission to take breaks when needed.

The truth is, we often expect love to be easy — to “just happen.” We get resentful if it takes effort, or embarrassed if it doesn’t happen as quickly as it does for friends.

But some of us simply have different journeys. And that’s okay. The shift comes when you choose to go deeper — to heal what’s keeping you stuck, to explore who you really are, and to get clear on what you truly need. That takes effort and accountability (it certainly did for me!)

And if you don’t know where to start, I have two amazing options:

1️⃣ I have spaces for five new clients this month and I'm offering 20% off for those five spaces, and an extra 🍒 on the top for anyone who has worked with me previously! You can book a free call HERE to chat through what's going on and seeing if we would be a good fit to work together. I can send over bespoke times if you need one. 

2️⃣ One of my all-time favourite masterclasses — How to Break the Cycle of Toxic or Boring Dating Patterns — is now available for £15.99. This is a great kickstarter to find out exactly why you’re getting certain results and how you can change them! You can find out more HERE.